Selected Works of A.K. Thorne and His Friends

Hanna Shot First

Well, I think its ridiculously irresponsible of you to even make such a claim.

“Did they say when she’d be here?”

I mean, I’ve accepted that it is possible that some of your ideas and stories might have been stolen, but you’re taking aim at one of the greatest space operas ever. I just can’t accept it.

“If she’s a ginger, I’ll gut you. I told you no gingers.”

You’re not even going to respond? You don’t just say ‘George Lucas stole Star Wars from me’ and then change the subject.

“I figure you’ll go in for seventy-five percent since you’ll get the most out of it, I just need a tickle.”

I have no intention of having sex with a prostitute in a nursing home with you watching.

“Fine, fine, I won’t watch. You can go in the bathroom.”

You just threw up in there. Hey! You’re avoiding the question.

“Fine! I didn’t say he took all of it. I said he took most of it. And then ruined it.”

George Lucas ruined Star Wars.

“No, goddammit, he ruined my story and called it Star Wars.”

This is insane.

“It was brilliant. Humans have abandoned sex for robo-harvesting and artificial fertilization, all except for one old witch out in the desert who taught this other woman everything she knew about using sex as a weapon. The other woman betrays the older woman and takes the weapon and enslaves the galaxy with it.”

I’m not listening to this.

“But the apprentice has a daughter, who the old woman teaches to love, the missing ingredient to complete the light side of physical union. So the daughter goes to save her lover, who has been captured by the apprentice–”

And then there’s a big orgy. Yeah, don’t remember that part in Star Wars.

“I told you, its just the idea. But then, who wants to see a film about a bunch of women running around having sex with male slaves?”

There’s a market for it, believe me. So Han Solo, he was a woman?

“Mistress. Smuggled young girls for a breeding program. Got tangled with a gangster named Mama Thut who she owed a lot of money and Mama sent bounty hunters after her. She agrees to help the old woman and the apprentice’s daughter off the planet to save the missing lover just to get away from the bounty hunters, but not before she kills one.”

Greedo, right?

“What kind of a name is that for a bounty hunter?”

So, just curious, did the smuggler shoot first?

“Of course she did.”

That’s believable.

“Where is this damned girl? This viagra’s going to give me the shits in a minute.”

There’s a knock at the door, and I cross Thorne’s room to open it. The red-headed prostitute is dressed like a jedi.

Oh my god.

“A goddam ginger, I knew it.”

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